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Thank you Dennis Miller. . .

For those who don't know, Dennis Miller is a comedian
who has a show called Dennis Miller Live on HBO.
He is not Jewish.

He recently said the following about the Modest situation:

"A brief overview of the situation is always valuable, so as a service
to all Americans who still don't get it,
I now offer you the story of the Middle East in just a few paragraphs,
which is all you really need.

Here we go:

The Palestinians want their own country.
There's just one thing about that: There are no Palestinians.
It's a made up word.
Israel was called Palestine for two thousand years.
Like "Wiccan," "Palestinian" sounds ancient
but is really a modern invention

Before the Israelis won the land in the 1967 war,
Gaza was owned by Egypt, the West Bank was owned by Jordan,
and there were no "Palestinians."

As soon as the Jews took over and started growing
oranges as big as basketballs,
what do you know, say hello to the "Palestinians,"
weeping for their deep bond with their lost "land" and "nation."

So for the sake of honesty, let's not use the word "Palestinian"
anymore to describe these delightful folks, who dance for joy
at our deaths, until someone points out they're being taped.

Instead, let's call them what they are
"Other Arabs Who Can't Accomplish Anything In Life
And Would Rather Wrap Themselves In
The Seductive Melodrama Of Eternal Struggle And Death."

I know that's a bit unwieldy to expect to see on CNN.
How about this, then: "Adjacent Jew-Haters."
Okay, so the Adjacent Jew-Haters want their own country.
Oops, just one more thing. No, they don't.
They could've had their own country any time in the last thirty years,
especially two years ago at Camp David
but if you have your own country, you have to have traffic lights
and garbage trucks and Chambers of Commerce, and, worse,
you actually have to figure out some way to make a living.

That's no fun. No, they want what all the other
Jew-Haters in the region want: Israel.
They also want a big pile of dead Jews, of course --
that's where the real fun is -- but mostly they want Israel.

Why? For one thing, trying to destroy Israel - or "The Zionist Entity"
as their textbooks call it --
for the last fifty years has allowed the rulers of Arab countries
to divert the attention of their own people
away from the fact that they're the blue-ribbon most illiterate,
poorest, and tribally backward on God's Earth,
and if you've ever been around God's Earth . . . you know
that's really saying something.

It makes me roll my eyes every time one of our pundits waxes poetic
about the great history and culture of the Muslim Midleast.
Unless I'm missing something, the Arabs haven't given anything to the
world since Algebra, and, by the way, thanks a hell of a lot for that

Chew this around & spit it out: 500 million Arabs; 5 million Jews.
Think of all the Arab countries as a football field,
and Israel as a pack of matches sitting in the middle of it.
And now these same folks swear that, if Israel gives them
half of that pack of matches, everyone will be pals..

Really? Wow, what neat news. Hey, but what about the string of wars to
obliterate the tiny country and the constant din
of rabid blood oaths to drive every Jew into the sea?
Oh, that? We were just kidding.

My friend Kevin Rooney made a gorgeous point the other day:
Just reverse the Numbers.
Imagine 500 million Jews and 5 million Arabs.
I was stunned at the simple brilliance of it .
Can anyone picture the Jews strapping belts of razor blades
and dynamite to themselves? Of course not.

Or marshaling every fiber and force at their disposal for generations
to drive a tiny Arab State into the sea? Nonsense.
Or dancing for joy at the murder of innocents? Impossible.
Or spreading and believing horrible lies about the Arabs baking their
bread with the blood of children? Disgusting.

No, as you know, left to themselves in a world of peace,
the worst Jews would ever do to people is debate them to death.

Mr. Bush, God bless him, is walking a tightrope. I understand that,
with vital operations in Iraq and others, it's in our interest, as
Americans, to try to stabilize our Arab allies as much as possible,
and, after all, that can't be much harder than stabilizing a roomful of
super models who've just had their drugs taken away.

However, in any big-picture strategy, there's always a danger
of losing moral weight. We've already lost some.
After September 11th, our president told us and the world he was going
to root out all terrorists and the countries that supported them.
Then the Israelis, after months and months of having the equivalent of
an Oklahoma City every week (and then every day),
start to do the same thing we did, and we tell them to show restraint.

If America were being attacked with an Oklahoma City every day,
we would all very shortly be screaming for the administration
to just be done with it and kill everything south of the Mediterranean
and east of the Jordan.

Please feel free to pass this along to your friends
Walk in peace! Be Happy! Have a wonderful life



( 15 comments — Leave a comment )
Jul. 27th, 2006 02:35 pm (UTC)
As soon as the Jews took over and started growing
oranges as big as basketballs,
what do you know, say hello to the "Palestinians,"
weeping for their deep bond with their lost "land" and "nation."

...except that before 1947, that's exactly what the Jews were doing. And they have as much provable right to the land as the Palestinians.

Wouldn't it be easier to just kick everyone out of the area?
Jul. 27th, 2006 02:40 pm (UTC)
Actually the Jews were busy being industrius and purchasing land from Arabs. Had been living in the area for 3000+ years continuously, and fairly peacefull up until about 1917, and were the last Autonomous Government in the region before they were re-established in 1947.

I believe they have significantly more claim to the land than the Arabs do **shrugs**

Jul. 27th, 2006 02:47 pm (UTC)
If they actually bought the land, no harm, no foul.

I have been under the impression for the past thirty or so years that their entire claim to it rests on the fact that the Bible says it's theirs. (The link that you provided last week also refers to their claim this way: "According to the Bible...")
Jul. 27th, 2006 02:54 pm (UTC)
Much was bought, much was awarded by the UN in the creation of the two state system in 1947. The surrounding arab states encouraged the arab people to flee and become refugees. **shrugs** There are many Israeli-Arabs who stayed and enjoy full citizenship (Somewhere around 1 million in 2003 making them roughly 1/6th of the population), who want peace and are interested in making Israel a successfull country.

Fact is, they're not going anywhere, they are autonomous, have nukes, and the technological know how and manpower to hand any combination of local arab states their asses in conflict, particularly without the soviet union to provide an endless supply of tanks and arms to the Arabs.

Jul. 27th, 2006 02:39 pm (UTC)
You should read moomin13's journal. I knew her briefly back when I lived in SF and she's been living in the middle of all this for the last few years. Most of her posts detail daily life, dealing with the constant checkpoints and racism and assaults.
Jul. 27th, 2006 02:42 pm (UTC)
My good friend <lj user='sicksexfix"> lives in Tel Aviv. We talk all the time about this stuff, she's even got the hebrew version (along with the english version) of this posted on her page. Rev
Jul. 27th, 2006 02:54 pm (UTC)
Eh? You know Katie?
Jul. 27th, 2006 04:30 pm (UTC)
looking back now, I see that broken html cause this confustion. . .

my good friend sicksexfix lives in Tel Aviv. We talk often. And she has the hebrew version of this along with the english verison posted in her journal.

Jul. 27th, 2006 04:55 pm (UTC)
terrorism did occur on both sides during and before both world wars. jewish settlers did bomb buildings and commit acts of terror. no suicide bombings, because that's just stupid. of course, muslims commit acts of terror from pretty much 1917 on.

i think it would be safer if all of israel was moved to cuba. much nicer climate and resources. pick up every stone, plant, building, drop of water and move it. let the terrorists fight over dust, sand, dirt and small stones. they will starve in 20 years and beg the israelis to come back.

think of how nice a resort Cuba/Israel would become.
Jul. 28th, 2006 03:58 pm (UTC)
Oranges big as basketballs?

"Wiccan" is a modern word?

Here's a little known secret...15% of the Hezbollah are made up of extras from the "Planet of the Apes" movie.
Jul. 28th, 2006 07:59 pm (UTC)
Oranges big as basketballs?

Artistic Licence and Exaggeration from a commedian. . . NEVER!!!!!

"Wiccan" is a modern word?

Yes, the word my be older, but the concept it represents was created in 1949 http://www.religioustolerance.org/wic_hist.htm

Here's a little known secret...15% of the Hezbollah are made up of extras from the "Planet of the Apes" movie.

interesting. . .
Jul. 28th, 2006 04:03 pm (UTC)
Dennis Miller?!?
come on. Nobody is innocent.
as far as Israel... USS Liberty taught us a good lesson.

Dennis Miller is a hack comic pseudo-republican monkey boy who serves one agenda...god Mammon. His tool, half baked humor. God Bless Bush!? Fuck that.

Jul. 28th, 2006 08:14 pm (UTC)
Re: Dennis Miller?!?
Be that as it may. with the exception of blessing Mr Bush. EVERYTHING he had to say is accurate.

Jul. 29th, 2006 12:55 am (UTC)
Dennis The Ice Cream Scooper
you're a good friend so please forgive my upcoming anti-Dennis spewfest :)...but I have to disagree with Mr. Miller almost entirely.

Jul. 29th, 2006 01:06 am (UTC)
Re: Dennis The Ice Cream Scooper
I'll look forward to debating you on the points you are wrong on ;p

( 15 comments — Leave a comment )